Soulmate..?

I feel like I'm waiting for someone perfect, no matter if that person will be my future boyfriend or if it'll be my future best friend. I don't care. I just want to have someone that will stand up for me ALL the time, that I have fun with, that I can trust in any circumstances and that understands me. A soulmate, that I can do everything with. But I don't know if I found one yet, but I so badly want to. One of my friends I can trust will stand up for me and have fun with. Another one I know I can trust and I know that she will never leave me, but I don't have so fun with her. One I don't hang out with so much, and I don't am as close with her as I am with the others. The fourth one don't go to the same school as me. The fifth I have only known for 4 months, and she's got a few other friend I think she is with rather than me.

I don't feel alone, I know I have my friends. I love them, but I want someone that really completes me. Maybe a boyfriend. Maybe a friend. I just want someone. Still, I don't know if I'll ever find someone so perfect. Can you? I don't know, and it is pretty damn frustrating. 

Someone I can be myself around, someone that can't wait to be with me, someone who is trustworthy, someone I don't get tired of being with. 

Have I already find that friend? Maybe I have, someone I've known since first grade, when I think of it. But she leaves me out when we are with another friend. 

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Hi! I'm back, haven't been able to update.. Sorry! I hope it'll be better now. I just wanted to write my feelings down. It feels so much better after. 

I love you<3

She's Holding Me Back

I don't know what I think of the new girl. Everyone is like "wow, she's really nice" and blah blah. She isn't bitchy, but I don't know. I somehow got the impression she didn't want to talk to me. Meeting new people is like my favorite thing in the world, I think it is so fun.

Actually I think that my "best friend" that I feel is hanging after me too much scared the new girl of. My best friend, Polly, is super nice, but she's not so good in social situations with others.. She always says the most awkward things. Actually Polly is really cool, once you get to know her, but she tries too much. And I'm kind of stuck with her (I have been for 7 years). In the new school she hasn't gotten real new friends as I would say I have.

I am her only friend (and the few others from our new school) and she's hanging after me. This was what I wanted to avoid, not being like a pair with her. Because we where like the ones that always hanged with each other; "Yeah, there's Arelette & Polly, they never are with others". I HATE IT! I get so frustrated, I don't feel like I live my school life because of her. I could really have made a lot of friends -don't get me wrong, everyone in the new class is my friends, but not super-close friends to me- but Polly's holding me back. Because she is so socially awkward I think people gets the idea of me being that as well. But what should I do? 

Polly had somewhat of a "breakdown" where she started crying (I comforted) and she said that no one wants to be with her and things like that. You know what I thought? "Yeah, that's true." I may sound like an awful friend, but I try to be as good as I can. I would want to have myself as a friend. I hate making people sad and I hate fighting. 

Gaaah, I just get so frustrated!

Hope it will get better. Love<3